Written by John Beck and Joseph Martin<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Script was written based on actual dialog from an April Fool’s gag that I had performed earlier in the day. Constructing this script was a collaborative effort, reflecting our creative synergy and the playful spirit of the day. After we finalized the content, it was performed on stage that same night at the Late Night Series at Mercer County Community College, a vibrant venue known for showcasing diverse talents and entertaining performances. The audience was lively, and their reactions were priceless, adding a layer of spontaneity to the evening. You can see the performance at the bottom of the page, capturing the humor and excitement of our work. The skit was brought to life by John Beck and Nicole Russano, whose dynamic on-stage chemistry truly resonated with the crowd and elevated the entire experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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John Beck<\/strong>: so listen, i’ve been pissing milk all morning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nicole<\/strong>: about how much?<\/p>\n\n\n\n John Beck<\/strong>: a few gallons, no more, no less. … Anyhow, last week i knocked up this girl that was a heroin addict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nicole<\/strong>: oh wow!<\/p>\n\n\n\n John Beck<\/strong>: i found out this morning that i must have gotten her pregnant, and now she\u2019s gonna poop out a heroin baby and i really don’t know what to do. i don\u2019t want another heroin baby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nicole<\/strong>: holy shit!<\/p>\n\n\n\n John Beck<\/strong>: i don\u2019t know if it can be considered a HOLY SHIT, but it sure is a shit. and it\u2019s gonna stink. ……. oh boy, there’s no one around for me to talk to. I\u2019m so god damned lonely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nicole<\/strong>: ok hmm well … i can try talking to you. I learned how to speak in school. ….. does she want to have the baby?<\/p>\n\n\n\n John Beck<\/strong>: yea, she wants to get married too. I\u2019m already married and I already have a heroin baby. what the hell am i gonna do with another one??<\/p>\n\n\n\n John Beck<\/strong>: and, you know, she’s a heroin addict and i have no idea what will happen, cos like I can only see the past and part of the present\u2026but I\u2019m not a fucking psychic and can tell what’s gonna happen next. God damn, why can’t i be psychic?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nicole<\/strong>: yea, chances are the baby won’t be that healthy too, cos your ugly dick initiated its creation … and you don’t necessarily wanna be stuck in a situation where you will find yourself uncomfortable. cos like, being uncomfortable is kinda … uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n John Beck<\/strong>: i know. I learned about that in school. They showed us pictures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nicole:<\/strong> you know for a fact that it\u2019s yours?<\/p>\n\n\n\n John Beck<\/strong>: is what mine? oh, the baby\u2026right. well, it has to be mine. cos I spewed my seeds in her baby making chamber. ain\u2019t that how baby\u2019s is made? I learned that in school too. they showed us videos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n John Beck<\/strong>: i barely know her too, but I DO everyone I barely know. i just met her like last week at the circus. she was a clown. I wore a frown. she turned it upside down when she sucked off my Charlie Brown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nicole<\/strong>: you don’t think she\u2019s just lying, to get something out of you do you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n John Beck<\/strong>: she has a bad liver from all the drugs. maybe she wants mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nicole<\/strong>: (stand up) i hate u! you was a real good one too\u2026you found me out. if it weren\u2019t for them crazy kids I\u2019d have your liver.<\/p>\n\n\n\n John Beck<\/strong>: ha ha ha ha, c’mon I was a good fuck, the best you ever had bitch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nicole<\/strong>: I\u2019m like dying over here<\/p>\n\n\n\n John Beck<\/strong>: ha ha ha ha\u2026it\u2019s not my fault you\u2019re a heroin junky with a burnt out liver.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nicole<\/strong>: bastard!!!! (then you walk off the stage)<\/p>\n\n\n\n John Beck<\/strong>: (standing) SUCKA! <\/p>\n\n\n\n